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Wil (Michelle Krusiec) and her widowed mother Hwei-Lan (Joan Chen) privately worry that their choices will disappoint and dishonor their family - hence the overarching theme of “saving face.” They live in fear of ostracization from their tight-knit Chinese community in Flushing, Queens, even if abiding by certain cultural norms and expectations comes at the expense of their own individual desires. Saving Face, a 2004 romantic dramedy, features a Chinese American mother-daughter duo who are, unbeknownst to each other, each reckoning with an illicit romantic relationship. In the early 2000s, however, when Asian American films were few and far between, Alice Wu’s pioneering Saving Face attempted to give equal weight to the foibles and fantasies of both mother and daughter. Turning Red and Everything Everywhere All At Once are the two most recent films that exemplify this shift. There is enough conflict and contention to drive the story forward, but room is left for reconciliation and filial acceptance. Over the past decade, these narratives have evolved into something much more nuanced and forgiving. The diaspora’s identity, in many ways, exists in stark contrast to that of our first-generation mothers, even in a show like Gilmore Girls. Stories of maternal legacy have long dominated the Asian American cinematic oeuvre, since The Joy Luck Club over two decades ago. It didn’t help that Amy Chua’s 2011 book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother gave a racialized name to this aggressive style of parenting: the tiger mom. In hindsight, the depiction was merciless in its othering mockery of Asian immigrant parenting, positioned in stark contrast to Lorelai’s casual, cool-mom demeanor. She wasn’t allowed to go out with friends and couldn’t publicly date boys, not in the way Rory could. Kim was, to put it bluntly, the antagonist of her daughter’s life. Kim, the strict, overbearing, religious mother of Rory’s best friend Lane, shook my 11-year-old self to her core. I’m aware of the irony, but the portrayal of Mrs.
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“We actually learn how to define what is attractive from those around us, and because we’re raised within a framework of Western beauty standards, society often characterises non-white features as different or unattractive.”ĭylan also explains that doing the opposite – specifically seeking out people of a certain race – is just as problematic because it “reduces people to social stereotypes” and assumes that white is the standard race.The first depiction of an Asian American mother-daughter relationship I saw on-screen was in Gilmore Girls. “The thing is, we’re not born with pre-conceived notions about race, much like we’re not born with political preferences, religious beliefs, or naturally winning smiles. “You can’t say its their personality because you’ve shut them down before you even got to know them. “When you’re judging a person based solely on their racial background, you’re acting on generalisations you’ve learned to associate with that person’s appearance or heritage. “Preferences are shaped by learned values,” he continues.
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“Even though gay men themselves belong to a marginalised community, they can, and often do, perpetuate the oppression of others.”ĭylan cites a recent survey that found two thirds of gay men who identify as black, asian, or mixed race had experienced racism on gay dating apps, and explains that the idea of ‘preferences’ is a result of structural racism. “While we know racism on dating apps impacts people of all sexualities and gender expressions, I can tell you that this is a particular problem among gay men,” he explains in the video.
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That’s the question posed in a new episode of MTV’s web series Decoded, where writer and performer Dylan Marron uses his charismatic wit and penchant for social justice to highlight the negative side of gay dating apps. “It’s just a preference” is an excuse regularly seen on gay dating apps.Īnd while phrases like ‘no fats, no femmes, no asians’ have been co-opted to parody the elitist cis gay white men who use them, the discriminatory and exclusionary sentiments that lie behind them persist within the community.īut can a person really have a ‘preference’ for a certain race? Or is it just flat out discrimination?